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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

To Tell or Not to Tell

I was reflecting this morning on what the coordinator of the Transplant program had said to me about how people do not always tell others what they plan to do until they know its for sure.  I completely get that however at the same time, the idea of this is taking up so much of my thinking time that I feel like I should be telling more people.  I also worry that if I wait to tell some people until I know for sure, it could be months down the road.  Assuming it is moving ahead, those people (namely my mother, close relatives and my boss) will definitely be miffed that I was "plotting this" without checking in with them for so long.  So when is a good time to "tell"?  What do you "tell"?  And how do you "tell"?
Let's start with the how.  Almost all of my family is in Ontario with the exception of my brother (Texas) and my quasi-in laws (Kelowna).  So a face-to face discussion with them is almost out of the question.  Email doesn't seem right either (and for those of you who know me, I think email is a solution to almost everything).  The phone seems weird (except for my mother) because I don't normally call them (see earlier point about the wonders of email) and you never know if its a good time to launch into something like this.  My boss is at least local, but finding the right workplace moment especially with how crazy it is has its own challenges.

"What do you tell" I guess depends on the level of interest expressed by the listener but you still have to go in with the right amount to let them know without freaking them out or worrying them and help them understand how it impacts them.  This obviously will be very different when dealing with my mother vs. my boss.  But there is overlap.  I want to sound confident and educated about my choice but I don't want to be encyclopedia Lauren if I can help it (I tend to do that).  I also don't want to sound too scripty.

As for the "time to tell"...obviously I am still stumped on that one.  I am starting to feel like I SHOULD be telling my mom and my boss especially.  I also feel like it might help to tell the BF's family so they are hearing it from me rather than him, in case they have questions etc. Maybe I will wait 'till I at least hear back about the forms I sent in.  That's probably what I will do.

I guess as with most of life's decisions, there isn't a rule book or a how-to guide and so much rests on instinct. 

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