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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Love and Fear

When I spoke to the Transplant Coordinator yesterday she asked me if I had told anyone, if I had family support.  I told her that I had told my boyfriend (we'll call him Charlie as he likes his anonymity) and that he was somewhat supportive. 

In reality "somewhat" means he won't break up with me if I do it but he gets angry every time I bring it up and won't talk about it at all.  I know its fear talking-I can see it on his face and hear it in his voice.  I can tell by how fast he shuts down and ends the conversation.  I am not sure how I am going to handle it.  I feel like if I can just make him see all the good it can bring that maybe he'd understand.  This IS a good thing right?  His reluctance to even hear what I have to say is making me feel like he doesn't see any good in the situation or even in my intentions.  I hope I can change that but I am not sure how.  Part of the problem is that he thinks I've just been watching too much Grey's Anatomy.  Maybe I have been watching too much in general (downloading marathons of hit TV shows is a beautiful thing). However I don't think I have every demonstrated that much flakiness to ever make anyone believe I would do something as serious as donate an organ because I liked a prime time TV show.

He did say once that he could "understand if it was someone I knew".  The thing is though, in all likelihood no one I ever know may need my help and if they do, they may not even be a match.  Then what?  Then that person and their family would be waiting, hoping and praying that a stranger offers to be a living donor or worse that someone else will have to die for them to live.  I can picture families, groups of friends watching their loved one have such a low quality of life and then if a new kidney materializes, watch them slip away.  If I could help someone like that is that such a bad thing?  Do you need to know the person for them to be worthy of your help?

I am not saying its easy for my boyfriend to understand-I am sure there are as many people in his position as there are in mine-likely more.  I am just hoping that if I can find a way of helping him understand how low the risks to me are, that he could see the good in this even if he still doesn't agree.
I found this blog today which looks interesting: http://www.kidneychronicles.com/.  On April 19, 2007 FBI Special Agent Tom Simon donated a kidney to a stranger named Brenda Lagrimas. The details surrounding the surgery and the story of what brought Brenda and Tom together are detailed in the early entries of the blog linked above.

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