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| When your life becomes about kidneys, you become "Organ Girl" |
Anyhow...
The Ups
I went to boot camp as I normally do Saturday mornings. And it was awesome. For the first time since the surgery, I didn't get a single bit of discomfort in my belly between the incision points (in the past couple of months sometimes it hurt a little, sometimes it was just a pulling sensation-more annoying than anything). The best part though was my energy level. It was really 100%. I felt as strong at the beginning as I did at the end. At no point did I feel exhausted-although I was working hard. And my abdominal muscles showed up. They allowed me to do exercises that a few weeks ago they just didn't want to do-I just couldn't do. I felt strong, healthy-like yet another little corner was being turned. At the end of every class our trainer always asks us how class was. I wanted to jump up and down and say "Did you see how awesome (for me) I did?" and hug her because I was so happy with how class went. Of course I didn't-after all nobody needs to hear or care about my personal victories or listen about my post surgery recovery. But I was thrilled. Even more thrilling was the fact that my energy levels remained solid for the rest of the day. I made an delicious dinner (which didn't make me sick!), walked the dogs, cleaned the house and ran errands. I was ready for bed by about 9PM but who cares? You don't realize how affected your energy has been over time until you finally have a day where you are back on track. It also bodes well for the Kidney March and walking 100km. In about 3 weeks from now. Gah!
The Downs
And that is where the downs come in. While I have no doubt I can walk 100km, I am starting to wonder if I'll be able to raise another $1000. It probably was a bit stupid to start so late in the game although clearly I had other things on my mind in June/early July when everyone else was really focusing on their fundraising. I've had wonderful support from really great people so far but I'm short on a few people. I am racking my brains for ideas on how to raise money -hopefully something will come to me quick. I do have until October to fully raise the funds but I do think that if I'm not close by march date (the 9th of September) its not going to get any easier after the march to get financial support. I am remaining optimistic though because I've come this far-a solution will hopefully present itself. If I have to come up with the money myself, there is always that option.
I'm also nervous about the walk weekend itself. I was flipping through some of the other marchers pages yesterday. Everyone seems to be part of a team or they are marching with a friend, a spouse, a family member, a coworker. And then there is me. I will be doing my typical Lauren "lone wolf" thing (or actually turtle-that's more my speed too-ha), marching along by myself. Sure, I will probably join up with others from time to time and I am looking forward to getting to meet some people who's stories have touched me over the past few months. But there is a part of me who feels like a kid going away to summer camp for the first time-I'm excited but nervous about the social aspect of it-the shy kid in me is coming out big time right now. I am starting to think maybe I am pretty strange-first I donate a kidney to a stranger and now I've decided to walk 100km and raise a bunch of money on my own. Back in the Dominos and Do-Gooders post, I talked about a then-recent series of studies that found those who volunteer to take on unwanted tasks or give gifts/aid without being prompted, quickly alienate themselves. I think I have firmly thrown myself into this category with the donation and then this march. Good game Lauren, good game.
I'm not wanting this to sounds "poor me" or anything. That's not my intent. The reality is though I am nervous about the march. But at least I'm now more confident I will physically be able to do it because I "have my health". Which is a pretty great feeling and thing to have.
