Christmas and Family

Regardless of whether or not you are religious or what religion you practice, this time of year is about family. It's about spending time with people who are important to you, taking the time to call loved ones who are far away and remembering special people in your life that are no longer with us.

This year is the 15th anniversary of my Dad's last Christmas. In July of 1995, he was diagnosed for the second time with Esophageal Cancer. That time around it was inoperable and terminal. He chose to fight it and did a pretty good job of it well into the fall of that year. But by Christmas, the disease was taking its toll on him. He was becoming a shadow of the man I knew and as a 20 year old, that was pretty hard for me to understand.

Despite how sick he was, there are good things I remember about that Christmas. For one, his illness had slowed all of us down enough that we had time to stop and really get to know each other better. I think I had more conversations with my Dad in those last few months than I had in the five years prior. One of the really  good memories I have of that time is the shopping excursion we took late in December to get my Mom one more present. My dad was a creature of habit and every year his gift buying formula for my mom was exact-there was always a fancy Christmas decoration like a wooden antique Santa or some kind of festive table top display. There was also some kind of orange and chocolate sweet (bleck..not my thing). The third part of the formula was that he always got her something nice to wear. No longer able to drive, he needed me to take him to downtown Oakville to a little boutique, where he found a pretty purple silk blouse for her. The snow was falling, the picturesque streets were bustling with people walking past well decorated store fronts.  It was something out of a Disney movie and more importantly, it was wonderful to spend that kind of time one on one with my Dad.

Of course it was a difficult time too. He had lost a lot of weight, was on strong medication and often slept most of the day and night. He couldn't do most of the things he enjoyed doing before which took a toll on his spirit. Even just walking around the house would tire him so easily. He became so thin that even now, I hate looking at pictures from that Christmas. I think that it's almost harder to watch someone get sicker and sicker and slip away than it is to get through the moment they actually pass on.

This is a small part of what is motivating me to continue on in this journey to help someone by donating my kidney. I can't help but think that somewhere out there right now, someones dad or sister or child is getting sicker with kidney disease. Christmas and all its required activities are probably magnifying how much the illness is taking away from who they normally are. They are just waiting, trying to continue on, not knowing when or even if things will get better.

I have recently been reading a blog of a woman, Heidi who just received a kidney transplant at the start of December.  She has made several comments about how she was doing leading up to her transplant that really have given me insight into what life is like on dialysis. Heidi tried very hard to keep how sick she really was from her friends and family but so many things were slowing her down. Post-op she is a different person. For example, to put it in perspective in under 4 days post surgery she lost 15lbs of water weight with likely more to come off.  She said "And then to think I survived the last couple months when I was in such dire fluid overload and dialysis just wasn't working any more that I struggled to do the simplest tasks, like walking across the room or getting dressed, all the while doing my best to keep this from everyone."

I hope that I will be able to donate my kidney and give someone their life back like that. While I have no idea who will get my kidney or what their lives are like now, I hope that I will be able to make this the last Christmas a family has to watch their loved one struggle with a diminished quality of life. It's not something I could do for my Dad, but this is something I can do for someone else.

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”

Merry Christmas. everyone :)

Moving Right Along

I'm going to assume there wasn't anything extrodinarily disturbing about my renal scan results as I got a call yesterday from the transplant program social worker.  She was wanting to set up a meeting in the new year.  According to the "steps" outlines on the ALTRA website (Southern Alberta Transplant Program-not sure how the acronym fits...) I am getting pretty close to the end.  After the social worker, thre is only an MRI and then an appointment with the Nephrologist.  He or she will review all the medical, social and psych info again as they have the final say on whether or not I can donate.  However I think that outside of the MRI results, if I have made it to see the Nephrologist, on the surface all the tests have come back clear (otherwise they wouldn't be spending the money on more levels of tests).

Here is what I've done so far (I added psych in because he isnt on the list and he should be):

The social worker appointment is January 4th-she'll discuss family support, work support, any fears or concerns I have and I think this is when we discuss whether or not I want to be place on the national registry.  We'll discuss potential logistics with that too as travel would obviously be involved. I think I also have to consider having a medical directive in place in case something bad happens.

Oh and in case you are wondering, "Appointment with the transplant" if I recall correctly means "appointment with the transplant team" and I don't think that's actually me.  I believe it's the doctors swapping info (with potential receipients' doctors) and the transplant program making scheduling arrangements.

When I look at the list I am amazed in basically about a month I went through all that. If I do some quick math it was 2 urine tests (or as the stepson would say-"doing your business in some kind of a glass"), 6 blood test (well 6 pokes with a needle anyway..they tested more than 6 things).  I think I've answered the "why are you doing this" question about 4 times to medical professionals. I've sat in 7 or 8 waiting rooms. I have eaten hospital food three times.  Thankfully I have only had to fast twice. Fasting=headache for me and who wants a headache?

When the Charlies Come Around

Not the real Charlie

This past weekend after my action packed (not!) morning and early afternoon at Foothills, I had the pleasure of FINALLY getting away for some R&R with Charlie.  Back in October he surprised my by giving me a weekend away (dates to be determined) at a lovely little cabin resort in the Rockies. The cabin was wonderful, complete with a claw foot soaker tub and fireplace.  It was rustic but clean,  simple yet cozy. With all I've had on my plate lately with work, the occasional kidney related test and getting ready for Christmas it was perfectly timed.
I know what you are thinking-that's lovely Lauren, but what does this have to do with the "kidney thing"?Well it has to do with Charlie and the fact that when you have no TV, no distractions but great food, the mountains and the odd glass of wine, you finally get the chance to talk about the important stuff in your relationship.  And of course this subject came up.
As anyone who has read along from the beginning knows, Charlie did not approve of even the thought of this decision.  He was angry and would leave the room with any mention of it.  Days grew into a couple of weeks and I finally asked that he at least support me in this even if he doesn't like it.  From that point forward he started to do all I ever really wanted him to do in this situation: he listened.  Over time he began to joke about my magic kidneys and asked me if I had plans to join the Red Cross when this was all done (I was told by a male friend recently that this joking on Charlie's part was a true sign of acceptance). He also asked the odd question here and there, usually pertaining to an upcoming appointment.  I was very careful to answer just what was asked and not give too much information lest I scare him off the subject again. Every now and again I would drop a "Rainman" fact on kidney donation or something I heard about transplants on the news.
This past weekend I had the chance to ask him why he seemed accepting of it now when only weeks ago it made him so angry. He simply responded that I had provided him with a lot of information as to the risks and how important this is and that is is a logical guy and could see where it made sense to do it. For the first time I really felt like he is backing me 100% in this and I have to say it felt wonderful. It would have been hard to go ahead without his full support.
I don't know if its because it is a topic of interest for me so I'm more aware of it or if its a coincidence but there have been a few shows/news stories we've come across together while watching TV that have been on the subject of kidney donation (Law and Order SVU was one but I can't remember the others). It seems though that in all the media and stories we've seen/read, there is that person, like Charlie, who is against the idea of transplants, especially donating to a stranger.  The good news though is that in all the stories (either fiction or real life accounts), the Charlies come around. It just takes a little time, a few facts and they warm up to the idea.

So if you have a Charlie in your life, hang in there because odds are, he'll be in your corner rooting for you.

“We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.”