Professional Help

This blog will be posted some time after it was written due to an outside directive to not talk about my living donor experience until after I have donated.  If you are reading this, it is because I have completed the donation process.

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June 3, 2011

Today was my last day at work for awhile. I actually feel like everything was left in order and that nothing should "come back to bite me" while I am gone (that's the perfectionist in me worrying about that).

In reading other donor's blogs and stories online, I know a lot of them opted to tell very few people while going through the testing and maybe a handful knew once the surgery was confirmed.  While I totally understand the potentially private nature of this decision, for me personally the fact that I have told many people for a host of reasons has really helped. Especially in these last few days where my mind has started racing more and little anxieties about the surgery (and more so its aftermath)have developed, knowing that these people understood where my head was has been a bit of a comfort.

What I completely didn't expect is the send off I received today. More hugs than this "non-huggy" person knew what to do with. A coffee date where I thankfully got to distract myself with talk of cheesy late 80's sitcoms and fashion trends. Hand written cards from coworkers expressing their support and well wishes. Emails. Thoughtful gestures like a certificate for dog walking services (we recently adopted dog #2 a couple of weeks ago because I am a glutton for punishment). A pretty book mark for the books I'll bring to the hospital. I was ambushed in a late afternoon "Check in before I go" meeting with my boss. The entire extended marketing communications team was there with Crave Cupcakes and a gift basket full of things to heal and occupy me post surgery. Oh and I must not forget the card with a half naked doctor on the front. I especially liked how one of the bank's directors drew an incision mark on the doctor's shirtless chest on the left side. Not really how it works but amusing all the same.

With all that I have on the go and coming up, I've been a little more emotional the last few days-but I held it together.  I didn't really read the messages in the card until I was back and my desk and I'm glad I didn't as a few of them made me tear up. I never could have imagined that I'd have this level of support. I had been fairly confident about getting the time off from an HR perspective, but I didn't think on a personal level so many people (many of whom I don't really work with) would take such an active interest. It's just a reminder to me that in life just because I may not understand the choices some people make, or better yet I may not make them myself, I can always still show my support. I am very grateful to work with and for the people that I do.

You Do It to Yourself, You Do...

This blog will be posted some time after it was written due to an outside directive to not talk about my living donor experience until after I have donated.  If you are reading this, it is because I have completed the donation process.

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Late May 2011,

I'm about a week away from the "kidney thing". I have about three to-do lists on the go-work things, home things, life things. I seem to have an uncontrollable urge to plan and execute complicated meal menus-I think its my form of nesting or stress relief but it leads to more cleaning and dishes so it's a bit counter productive. I also have somehow added extra "out of the ordinary" activities to my plate like volunteering to speak not once but twice at Momentum, a non-profit organization, about marketing and product placement tactics. And I have a big presentation due to the CFO at work-my first as the new eCommunications advisor for the bank. Oh and we got a second dog last week (two dogs under 2 years old!). And she needs to go to an hourly class once a week, starting this week, (at 8:30 PM!!) to improve her leash reactivity. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Quite possibly.

One thing I never anticipated in all of this is how unfocused I would be in the week or so leading up to the surgery. It's not so much that I've been distracted of thoughts or worries about the surgery or its outcome. Sure there has been a little bit of that. But what I have noticed more is how unable I am to keep my mind on any particular task without jumping to another within five minutes. It's one thing to be a little side tracked for a morning but a week, especially a week you need to accomplish a lot in, is a bit much. By early on this week I was so overwhelmed it wasn't even funny.

Sometimes in life when you are in a place like this, with truly too much to do in a little bit of time, unusual things happen.  These things, in the long run, help you out, save you from yourself. In my case, it was my foot/ankle. A couple of days ago I was putting away leftovers from one of the elaborate meals I had made and took a regular step towards the fridge with a bowl of potato salad. "Sproing-pa-pop" went something, somewhere, deep in my left ankle/foot.  Sharp shooting pain ensued. "Ow" I yelped, wondering how it was possible to hurt my foot taking a simple step. Charlie looked up surprised, and quickly rescued the potato salad from my clutches, lest I drop it. "What did you do?" he asked.  I shrugged...I couldn't explain what I had done to my foot but it hurt like hell every time I put weight on it.

I stayed off of it most of the night, sure that when I arose the next morning it would be fine.  Except it wasn't.  In fact it was more tender and more swollen.By the end of that day at work, I could barely walk and it was double the size. Walking the dogs was next to impossible (with two of course skipping a daily walk is not a good idea) Charlie suggested we go to a walk-in clinic or emergency. But I didn't want to. I was terrified that it would somehow delay the upcoming kidney donation either because I'd need to take drugs I wasn't allowed to take or worse, I had done something that would make me immobile. Because getting up and walking soon after surgery is so key to better healing, I thought they wouldn't do the surgery if I wasn't in tiptop walking shape. What if it got worse and I couldn't do the surgery? I thought about how many people would be disappointed. What if I had wrecked everything simply by carrying a bowl of potato salad across the kitchen?

I somehow managed to solider through a pre-op appointment without the program coordinator noticing I couldn't really walk. I hid out at work and avoided leaving my desk for the same reason. I even attempted to walk the dogs one night to prove I was okay. I don't know why I felt like I needed to hide it from everyone but I did. It hurt a ton but I was going to try to keep that secret safe with me. I quickly realized though that in order to get through this, I had to get some rest which would mean trimming some of the items off my to do lists.The fact of the matter is, I really couldn't do some things physically. As much as it pained me to admit I couldn't I accomplish everything I wanted to on those to do lists especially some of the things I really was looking forward to like the speaking engagements, I felt a sense of relief. I was able to get the really important (for me personally) stuff done and done well. The other stuff would have to wait.

I still have no idea what happened with my foot. It seems to be getting better. Maybe it was one of those "all in your head" things that the brain does sometimes to protect you from yourself. I guess there is no way of knowing.  I still feel a bit guilty about the things I wont be getting to this week but I'm hoping that this falls into the "everything happens for a reason" category.

Supporters

This blog will be posted some time after it was written due to an outside directive to not talk about my living donor experience until after I have donated.  If you are reading this, it is because I have completed the donation process.

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May 8, 2011

I have a date.  Wow. That's crazy. Not only did it become more real for me but it has become very real for my friends and family. I honestly can almost see/hear the wheels turning in their heads as they try to process the infomation, the realization that I am doing this. In some there has been renewed panic (to give them credit I can see those people trying very hard to reign it it and approach me calmly). For others it seems like the news of a date has just made them want to cheer louder and root for me more. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life.

One of my dear friends who has been very worried throughout the process but has still supported me wonderfully in spite of her fear, wrote me a well thought out email of 15 questions she needed to have answered to feel better about things, so she could support me better. Knowing how concerned she was and seeing how hard she was trying to wrap her head around everything to be there for me was lovely. My ex-boss, who had been so strangely quiet about the whole thing from November until now took the opportunity at the news of a "date" to express in his own way how he felt about what I was doing and how much he didn't think I was crazy for doing it. Another friend, a co-worker who has been hugely supportive for the entire journey, pulled out an entirely new story of a friend of hers who she happened to be with when he received the "call" he was getting a new organ. This story helped me appreciate what my recipient out there must be feeling right now and renewed my confidence in my choice. My little brother (okay he's 34 but still little to me) told me I was his hero. An army of Facebook friends and family sent me messages and posts filled with encouragement. The list goes on and on and I haven't even done anything yet.

You know in group activities or at summer camp when they ask the ice breaker questions like "What animal do you think you are most like?". My answer has always been the giant tortoise. They are generally solitary animals, a bit reclusive and  they do their own thing-very much like me. They exist around other creatures (and probably like them), but they keep a safe distance. Tortoises are part of the ecosystem but aren't a dominate force. In a lot of ways, tortoises are self contained units...they walk around with their "house" on their back. They aren't overly fast but as the saying goes, slow and steady wins the race. I've always seen a quiet strength in them. On another note, they also can live to be well over 100 years old, something I've always aspired to and can envision happening in my life (even with one kidney!).

I remember way back when, about a year or two after my dad died, I wanted what many slightly impressionable, slightly stupid 18-21 year olds want...a tattoo. But I didn't know what to get.  I knew I didn't want cute like a panda and I didn't want scary or "dark" (those who know me would understand that a dagger or skull on me would be almost laughable-there is nothing dark or edgy about me). I asked my boyfriend at the time what he thought.  He answered really quickly and confidently with "a giant tortoise".  I was a little surprised, having never had played the "what animal would you be" game with him. I asked him why and he said that I always reminded him of a rhyme his mother had told him when he was younger: "see the tortoise wide in girth, on her back she carries the earth". He said I am always carrying other people through things and that often I seem to have the "weight of the world" on my shoulders but I keep plodding on.  While it turns out the quote was from a Stephen King book rather than old folklore, it still resonated with me. Tortoise tattoo it was (and still is) on my lower back.

Where am I going with this you might be wondering-don't worry, this is the part where I bring it back to the kidney thing. This week, when the prospect of donating became real and a new wave of support seemed to rise up, something hit me. For honestly the the first time in my life I don't feel like the lonely tortoise, plodding along, by myself, doing my own thing. At the risk of sounding Walt Disney-ish, I feel like all the other forest creatures are walking with me, chirping and cheering me down the final stretch of  this path. People aren't just watching from the sidelines-my friends, family and co-workers are at my side, encouraging , protecting and believing in me. They are just as much a part of this journey as I am and it's awesome. I am humbled.

It's Real

This blog will be posted some time after it was written due to an outside directive to not talk about my living donor experience until after I have donated.  If you are reading this, it is because I have completed the donation process.

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May 6, 2011.

After playing a bit of phone tag with the living donor coordinator, we finally connected early Friday (today) morning. As much as I thought I was ready for everything, I was very surprised with what she had to say.

"We have matched you to someone locally and we were wondering what you thought about June XX". (I'm blocking the date for now)

No news about my last test, no preamble-just "how's June XX".  I felt like I had crossed a momentous finish line, even though in some ways I've only just begun. The coordinator stressed they did not want to pressure me but at the same time, it was slightly under a month and some things would need to be done sooner rather than later. Although I was as sure as ever that I wanted to do this, it just didn't seem like a decision one should make on the phone, in the moment without checking in with a few different people. Not that I needed permission but I felt like I needed some kind of a check mark. I told her I would call her back later in the afternoon.

I sat at my desk at work for a few minutes trying to figure out what to do next. Do I call my mom? Charlie? I instinctively opened Facebook and did a cryptic status update. I looked for my friend Sarah online...she was online but away. I noticed my friend Milton was online and quickly messaged him.  He was supportive and congratulated me (which seems strange but it was the first of several I would get Friday).

I then picked up the phone and tried to call Charlie but it went straight to voicemail. I felt like I couldn't continue on the list of people I "needed" to talk to without getting him first. I went and got myself a coffee from the kitchen at work and when I returned, he called me back.  I wasn't sure how to start the conversation (he is supportive but still seems a little weird on the subject) so I simply said "How is June XX?".

"For what?" he asked.  I responded with one word-kidney.  "Oh that.  Wow really? How much time do I need to take off of work?" I laughed and said we could talk about that later but I didn't think a ton given the schedule and his ability to adjust his days around things.

Next on the list was work - again not that I needed to ask but it felt weird making a decision that could see me off work for a couple of weeks without saying something to someone. My new boss (there was a department reshuffle over the last few months) has been supportive of the idea but was out of town on a course and unreachable. I opted to instead got to one of my primary "stakeholders/internal clients", a director, to make sure he was in line with the timing (although really, who is going to be "that person" to say no)? He reminded me there is never going to be a perfect time and that I needed to not worry about work at all when it comes to this choice. I was thinking that all along but I think I jut needed to hear someone else say it.

Then I called Mom. She was excited, nervous and worried. She was very apologetic that she couldn't be out here to support me (it will be in Alberta) and was most concerned with the logistics of how she would be notified post surgery that her girl was okay. I reassured her that we'd make sure all that was covered which she seemed satisfied with. A small part of me wonders if between now and then she reconsiders (with or without family pressure) to make the trip out here. I am okay either way with what she decides to do but it will be interesting to see if she has anyone give her a nudge to come out (Sunday is Mother's Day and she'll be with all the other hens in the family-a very logical group to peck away at her decision to stay in Ontario).

Feeling satisfied that I had enough check marks to give confirmation to the program, I waited a bit (I didn't want to seem too eager) and closer to lunchtime called them back and gave the thumbs up. Which makes it all so very real.

Work-Life-Balance

This blog will be posted some time after it was written due to an outside directive to not talk about my living donor experience until after I have donated.  If you are reading this, it is because I have completed the donation process.

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March 8, 2011

One of the cool parts of this process which I've mentioned a few times (and you would probably see in just about everyone else's blog or story who is part of living donation) is the fact that you get to do a lot of medical tests that you normally wouldn't face unless something was really wrong with you. I  think the 24 hour blood pressure test is definitely one of the more interesting tests I've had to do, albeit somewhat inconvenient. It was a really good reality check for me on many levels.

When I was given the opportunity to see the graph of my results by the nurse at the Hypertension clinic, it was right there in black and white: Work stresses me out.

Now granted, walking around buzzing and beeping in an office setting all day is going to add stress. Having to skirt around why I was wearing it or try to tell people in 30 seconds or less I wanted to donate a kidney to a stranger also bumps up the BP. And having some of the projects (and the crazed project team members) I have going on looming and lurking as they are, also can cause the extreme spikes I saw on the screen. But to take my regular blood pressure, which is low normal on a regular day and make it essentially stay above normal from the moment I started walking to the office to the minute I got in my car at 4:30 means, plain and simple, work stresses me out.

Now when you become stressed, your heart rate increases and your blood pressure does increase for a short period of time. However, as soon as your stress levels decrease, your blood pressure does tend to return to normal. But if you remain stressed for a long period of time, it is possible that your body could artificially induce high blood pressure. Not good.  I kind of started to wonder how many days in a week I had this going on. I wonder how many people around me, are working at this elevated level 5 days a week and just don't know it?


Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE my job. I, for the most part, like everyone I work with. I am hugely enjoying the challenge of building a new website and moving into my role as the eCommunications advisor for the bank. But I know myself and my short comings too. I sweat the small stuff. I worry about every little detail being right and on occasion put way more on my plate than I can probably handle (but I seem to manage to eventually get it done). I often find myself in positions where I am needing to do a lot of learning as I go and still lead projects and tasks. I concern myself with the big picture rather than whats right in front of me. I don't take lunch or breaks on an average day. Sometimes these can be good qualities (except maybe the last one)-but if its leading to my everyday BP looking like a seismogram of a bad earthquake, I may need to give my head a shake.


The clinic nurse kind of laughed when she looked at my graph and said "I know exactly when you went home from work last night".  I looked closely at the graph and the difference between my 4:15 and 4:45 readings were astounding.  In the former, my blood pressure was a jagged spike above normal.  The latter saw it plummet, straight down to the lower side of normal where it remained for the rest of the evening, going down a  bit more as I went to sleep. You can't argue with that-and it's clear I need to make some adjustments.


So moving forward I'm going to try really hard to not sweat the little things.  I am going to establish some boundaries for myself to make it clear what I should worry about and what is either not my problem, or out of my control. I'm going to take breaks and even if I eat lunch at my desk, I'm going to go for a walk afterwards. I'm going to get more exercise in general actually. I'm not going to check my Blackberry at home unless absolutely necessary and I'm not going to feel the need to answer every email I get within minutes of receiving it. I will still always be a keener, but I'm going to pull that back a bit.


Kidney donation or no kidney donation, this was a valuable chance for me to see what I'm doing to myself and make some changes. As my friend Milton has always said  "there are no prizes in the end" . No kidding.

Beep Beep...Buzz Buzz

This blog will be posted some time after it was written due to an outside directive to not talk about my living donor experience until after I have donated.  If you are reading this, it is because I have completed the donation process.

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Today I am on the second of my 24 hour tests: 24-hour Ambulatory Blood Pressure Monitor (ABPM).

I had to show up at the clinic (at the site of the old children's hospital) at 8AM.  After filling out a few forms promising to return the machine (and not having to show my health card...I like how there is no rhyme or reason to when I have to do that), they sat me in a cubicle to watch a video. The one I've posted below is similar but not exactly the same as what I saw. It basically showed a man going through his day wearing the monitor and talked about the do's and don't of the process.

I was then brought into a room with a nurse who went over some of the key do's and don't as well as outlining which do's and don't in the video are "wrong". For example, the video mentioned to take it off for showering but she told me not to shower (and therefore don't take it off). She measured my arm to determine the cuff size I would need. They use the arm that is opposite to your writing had so in my case, the cuff is on my left arm.  The quickly determined where the pulse is most felt in the crook of my elbow and drew a black X in marker there.  There are markings on the cuff that are to line up with that X in order to get an accurate reading. To finish everything off, she took my BP at the same time as the machine to determine that the machine was functional.  I glanced at the number she wrote down-it was on the high side.  That seems to have been the case the last few times its been taken. Although I've never had what they call "white coat syndrome", I think I'm starting to develop it because of how drawn out and stressed/impatient I'm getting over this testing process, especially since everything went a bit sideways mid January with the blog etc. I think the fear of medically failing along with a lot of drama at work (unrelated to this) has me in an anxious state much of the time. Every time it beeps I know I can feel myself tense up a bit (which its going to do any minute now).

When it goes of, the machine at my hip emits two medium volume/length beep. Within a few seconds the cuff on my left arm starts to inflate and tighten on my arm, just like when they take your BP at the doctor's office.  It does seem to go a little tighter but its not overly uncomfortable. In my case the device does its routine every 30 minutes at 15 minutes before and after the hour. The beeps are not supposed to happen between 10PM and 6AM as it assumes I am asleep.  I'm pretty sure the arm squeezing with wake me up (I am a very light sleeper and this would wake anyone up).

I've made it through most of the day with only one messed up reading. It happened at lunch (which I rarely take but I had an offer of a free lunch from the boss and I had left mine in the car anyway at -25 degrees).  We were walking briskly to this little Chinese place on the edge of downtown.  I was hoping we'd get there in time for me to be sitting before the machine went off but the lights didn't work in our favour and then there was a helicopter circling overhead that we both seemed to get bedazzled by.  Just as we were walking, looking up, bumping into each other and slipping through the snow trying to figure out where the chopper came from, the machine started to squeeze. And squeeze.  And squeeze.  The nurse wasn't kidding when she said it can get a bit painful if it cant complete a reading.  Thankfully it managed to compete it a few minutes later inside the restaurant.  Although for the rest of the day it seems to have bumped the reading times by about 5-7 minutes.

It was a little awkward wearing it to work.  One meeting it actually did its think three times.  I think that was a sign the meeting was too long and I may have even said that (ha).  In reality though had I not already told several coworkers about the kidney journey, this would have been far more awkward to explain.  I'm not into lying and I don't want people thinking I'm in poor health so in a few cases today I did have to explain why I was wearing it in very brief terms as to not have my kidney thing take over the room in terms of conversation.
Although its comfortable to wear, its a bit complicated when you use the washroom.  When your pants descend, the tubing gets very short and its a more than a bit clunky trying to keep things from pulling etc.  I don't know what the solution is but it seemed to add stress to a normally not stressful activity.

I kind of wonder if this really does get rid of white coat syndrome as each time it goes off I have caught myself holding my breath and sitting in an odd position.  Even at night its going to make me "focus" on it.  I can only imagine too what some of my meetings did to the ratings this afternoon.  Probably bad timing to do this 12 days before we launch a brand new corporate website and a handful of new products. At this point while I still absolutely want to donate, these seemingly endless tests along with the vibe from the last doctor's appointment have really taken the wind out of my sails.  But this is it, this should be the last test and whatever will be will be.

The Social Worker Step



Ok not really but this picture is great



Today I had a very informative meeting with a social worker from the Living Donor program.  She was able to answer a lot of my questions and give me a much clearer understanding of where I am in the process.  Of course it wasn’t all about my wonderings (it’s not all about me!); she had several pages of her own questions as well.

Her role in the process is to review the risks (things like relationships, financial, health, emotional etc.) and any potential concerns I might have with any of those categories as it pertains to my decision to donate. It’s another checkpoint to make sure I’m still okay with the decision and also to help me now or down the road with the tools I might need to deal with any of those risks. She asked detailed questions about my friends and family (some of you were named!) support, about my work support and the things that most worry me about the process. She asked about hobbies and values and what I wanted to achieve from the process. I also got to pick my “ultimate surgery date” and a back up date too.  I can’t say ultimate is an adjective I would use but I gave her a couple of dates (“I don’t really care” was my initial answer but she seemed to really want something more definitive to write down).

We also discussed the “travel factor”.  She told me that because I am an altruistic donor they do actually try to keep me here are less likely to want to push for me to be sent elsewhere in the country.  That did kind of contradict what I was told earlier.  You may recall I was told how my fabulous blood type and the fact I’m not attached to a recipient made me a good addition to the national pool and I could even perhaps start or end a domino (paired) exchange. She said from her perspective, her biggest fear is sending me somewhere that doesn’t offer me the same level of support as I would have here.  If something was wrong or even if I just was feeling terrible, I would do better if I had “my people” or at least a person around to make sure I was ok. I told her that Calgary would be ideal but that I am virtually as open to anywhere in and around Toronto, Hamilton or even London Ontario because I would have great support there.  That being said, if there was a really compelling reason for me to go elsewhere (like I am a perfect match for someone who is incompatible with virtually the whole country’s population) then I would consider going elsewhere.

She also let me know that the next “National Pairing” is the end of February and she’s be really surprised if they tried to squeeze me into that given that the timelines are so tight.  So if they did opt to put me as part of a chain, it would likely be much later in the spring (all of this is dependant on me being okay with their choices). That does not rule out me being part of a local chain sooner though (as in not late spring).  And of course I may just be part of an everyday “the recipient and I” kind of transplant.

It was confirmed that all the tests I have done are indeed sequential.  I would not have been scheduled for each test had I failed or even yellow flagged on any of the previous ones.  A doctor has been scanning the test results as I’ve moved along although he/she will still do a final review once all the tests are back. She said the only time I kind of went out of order was with the psych test and that was because the doctor had a free day which he didn’t think he was going to have again for awhile.  She said they have recently decided that any anonymous donor MUST have a full psych evaluation-if I was giving my kidney to family I may have skipped that part.

At this point she said I was 80-85% done and she’d be surprised if medically anything would be found at this point.  I have an MRI on January 23^rd (yes, a Sunday and I can’t eat all day as the appointment is at 7pm!!). The MRI will count the veins and arteries leading to each kidney to determine which one is “better” and also what type of surgery I will require.  Laparoscopic surgery (vs. a big cut) requires me to have more simplified vein/artery action going on so I’m crossing my fingers that will be what they see.   About a week or so after the MRI I can expect to meet with the Nephrologist  (Kidney doctor).  They will want to review the test and meet me.  After that it’s a (the??) surgeon.  I think that might depend on where I am going. And from that point forward it’s all about logistics and scheduling. Oh la la I’m getting closer!

Taking Care Of Business




It's off of work I go...

One of the things that can greatly impact people considering whether or not to donate a kidney is their job. A living kidney donation can mean anywhere from 2-6 weeks (on average) off of work depending on how quickly you heal, the type of surgery they do (laproscopic vs a "straight cut") and the kind of work you do. There are of course also all the tests and appointments you need to do to determine your eligibility and at least some of those have to be done during "regular business hours".

Its also not just about "time off".  How supportive is your immediate manager in general?  Your co-workers? After all, it is they who will be "picking up the slack" for you while you are gone. And of course they might not want to help you because you are a "do-gooder"... If they also are not the types to agree with organ donation, it can make pursuing the idea harder even if there are policies in place to support your sick leave.
I am very fortunate to work for a small bank which is a subsidiary of  a much larger organization, the Alberta Motor Association (AMA).  During the process of determining if I can/want to donate, I think this has given me the best of both worlds.

When you work for a smaller company, you tend to have a closer working relationship with your department and manager.  You likely also know what the members of the Executive look like and and they are more likely to have an "open door policy" . This means they are generally more accessible to the average employee than someone in a similar position in a much larger company. For me this has meant that I have a closer relationship with many of my coworkers which has allowed me to share this with them.  They've asked a lot of great questions and have been hugely supportive.  My boss, who leads a small but mighty team of 6 (if all positions are filled) has allowed me time for appointments no questions asked (knowing I am a grown up who can manage my time and projects around them). He'll also be ok me coming back for half days or needing to leave a bit early if I'm not up to par yet post surgery.  I've also had the opportunity to share my intentions with some of the executive so that they are aware should it impact any projects I'm involved with. The support of all of these people has taken the worry out of the projects and day to day tasks I may need coverage for and its also nice having such a great support system emotionally at your job as well.
Being part of an over all "larger" group of companies is providing me with a more ideal situation for taking the time off from an HR perspective (benefits, policies etc). I know this is not the case for many employers but it really should be, especially if they employ more than a few hundred people.  However only 43% of employed Canadians have access to Short Term Disability programs as part of their benefits. I've heard there are also some notable employers in Canada that in order to be "fair" will not allow employees special time off for doctors appointments and testing-that would make time off for surgery likely impossible.
In my case we are granted 10 sick/personal days a year (from July to June).  You lose them if you don't use them.  I realized in doing the research on kidney donation that I'd need  more than that (even for the best case, quickest healing scenario). While I also have the option of using holiday time or even going on short term disability, I thought I'd approach HR to see if under special circumstances there was any wiggle room on sick days (also considering I've yet to take one in three years).

The thing with HR in larger companies is that whatever you are requesting has to be fair and sustainable.  In other words they need to be able to extend it to everyone under the same circumstances (ie make it policy) and/or have it not negatively impact other employees. The difference between a good employer and a great employers is one that will also look past existing policies and try to come up with a solution that fits rather than get stuck on the fact that what you are asking for is outside of the realm of their existing manual. I made sure to position it with them that it was sustainable (they could do it because its not like there was a line up of 50 people behind me wanting to donate their organs).  I think that fact helped them look past the fact that nowhere in their policies was there anything resembling this situation. And because they strive to be a "top" employer they chose to review the situation and find a solution rather than just say "its not in the book".  After a few weeks of reviewing their options they informed my immediate HR rep that they could "find a way to support" on an exception basis.  The only condition was that the bank's Chief Operating Officer needed to be okay with it. It didn't take long for him to make the decision (100% yes) and he told me that out of the two of us in this situation, he has the easier job.
So if this donation gets the medical go ahead, I will just need to let HR know how long I need roughly and they will allow "special" time off for me so that I won't need to use vacation time or go on short term disability.

It just goes to show you it never hurts to ask what your options are an provide your employer with the tools they need to make an educated decision. I think the fact that AMA is a not for profit helped as they are very similar in mindset to the government (in a good way).  So far, the vast majority of employers in North America who have written special policies to allow time for bone marrow or organ donations have been in government, healthcare or educators.  It would be nice to see more of the private employers making that choice-it's rarely a policy that would be used by employees but its a nice "goodwill" one to have on the books. 

Kind of a win win (win!) for everyone.

Personal Goal: Donate a Kidney?!

I bit the bullet today and finally told my boss about all this.  I didn't really know how to work it into conversation over the cubicle wall (not!) and calling a special meeting was a bit much so I somehow rolled it into my "Part B" meeting today.  Our Part B's are essentially where we set our goals and KPIs for the upcoming fiscal year at work.  So it went a little something like this:

"Ensure 95% internal client satisfaction"

"Ensure 100% accuracy in all marketing materials"

"Personal Goals: Donate a kidney"

OK it wasn't exactly like that.  But not too far off.  We are supposed to set personal goals.  Every year I haven't and he's pointed that out.  Its not that I don't have them; I just don't see the need to fill them out on a form at work.  This year he anticipated my shoulder shrug and he made four up for me.  The first was very fitting although surprising.  He wants me to publish something.  An article, a letter to the editor or if I'm really a keener a book.  He seems to think I could do that no problem.  I told him about always wanting to start a blog but never being able to narrow it down to a subject that I would repeatedly have something to talk about.  I almost told him about this then chickened out.  After we discussed the rest of my goals (read a book I have always wanted to read but haven't and organize my schedule(?!?)) the meeting seemed over so I somehow awkwardly blurted out the "kidney stuff".  I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest! I dont know why but telling him was far more stressful than anyone else.

I can't really read what his reaction was.  He seemed so neutral about it.  Like he didn't know what to say or what he thought.  I kind of expected him to have an opinion either way but it didn't seem that he had one.  I know he must have one but I have no idea what it was.  He mentioned about confirming with HR that benefits wouldn't get screwed up but that other than that he didn't see an issue from a work perspective.  Just weird. Oh and he did suggest as an afterthought maybe the "kidney stuff" should be a goal listed on my Part B.  The KPI is pretty easy-in a year I either have two kidneys or I have one.

Next step...tell my mother somehow.